People and their interaction in relationships vary, and not every person with bad habits will be an abusive partner. Some bad habits are just ways people have learned to live, and they can change if they really want to do so. Other behaviors are ways to control a partner, but these are not always bad. Sometimes, controlling habits are a way to assist a partner with making changes in their life. As long as both people agree, controlling behavior that does not a hurt a person is acceptable.
The red flags of any relationship are ones where one person behaves in a manner that hurts another person in the relationship, and these should be avoided whenever possible. Being late for everything and anything is one red flag that is quite common, but people seldom see it as a bad behavior until they learn more about it. Everyone has a friend or relative who is always late, but they excuse it as a person's personality. This behavior is about a person's need to control and manipulate others to make them the center of attention.
When a person is old enough to get into a long term relationship, it is up to their family to understand they have chosen to be with that person. The family has the choice to support the relationship or avoid the couple. When a person tells their significant other that they are being forced to choose between them or their family, this is a bright red flag. There is no choice to be made, and the person claiming this is simply trying to control their partner with a veiled threat.
In a personal relationship, there are no more chilling words than someone claiming they are hurting a person to make them better. Giving someone medical treatment that may be painful might be about the only way this statement could ever be true. Any person who makes a choice to hurt another in a relationship is seeking permission for abuse, and their partner should immediately consider leaving.